Doppelganger Week

4:16 PM, 4/2/2010 .. 0 comments .. Link

Doppelganger Week

This week is doppelganger week on facebook. It is as good a theme as any to discuss the current Michelle Chantelois- Mike Rann controversy. I want to say from the outset that I do not wish to speculate on the truth or otherwise of the allegations floating around. They can argue about that in court, or in the media or wherever. This article is just going to deal with the potential ramifications of the allegations/scandal.

Now I can’t remember who Suchy compared Chantelois to. Was it Farrah Fawcet or Goldie Hawn? I am not sure. You get the picture. Anyway, for the purposes of this article, I am going to compare Mike Rann to James Bond. He is generally smooth, cool in a crisis, able to escape from tricky situations with careful sleights of hand and skill. (This is where the comparison ends. James Bond has his extra-curricula activities that are notorious. That is not what I mean in the comparison) When Mike Rann made his public denial of the Chantelois allegations at the South Adelaide Football Club, he gave his opponents a License to Kill, if they could prove that he was lying. The denial meant that there were only really two possible outcomes; a massive defamation lawsuit victory to Mike Rann OR the provision of evidence, either through the media or through the ultimate court case that proved the Chantelois version of events. All issues about the relevance of personal lives in the public arena disappeared. It was all distilled down to the old chestnut of who is telling the truth. The South Adelaide Football club was where the saga seemed to end. Defamation actions were threatened. Media went silent. We all had our Christmas turkey. Matt and Dave went off in the big red car for the holidays. Problem solved.

I always thought there was more to run in this saga though. Back to the movies analogy, I think the producers of the Chantelois drama were a little disappointed with the public reception to their initial screening. They thought it would be a blockbuster hit, but public interest petered out after the first few sessions. They had a really good story line for a sequel though. Mike Rann and Michelle Chantelois in “Who is telling the truth?”. There were various reasons not to release this saga over the Christmas period. Firstly they would have to compete with Sherlock Holmes. As mentioned, Matt and Dave and Leon Byner were doing whatever it is they do on holidays. There is quite possibly another explanation for the prolonged silence, followed by the recent flurry of activity. This is purely my speculation, but it makes perfect sense.

One of the major issues facing the ALP when the Chantelois saga broke was who replaces Mike Rann/James Bond if he is forced out? They need a Roger Moore, not that Australian Bond no one remembers. This question is one that the ALP has failed to ask itself properly ever since the commencement of the Rann Government. There was never a Costello to the Howard, a Keating to the Hawke. In the tumult of the media scandal, the party was faced with, in my opinion, three options. For my own amusement I will continue the doppelganger theme.

Option number one is the leading candidate from the dominant right faction, Kevin Foley. Foley was fresh off the revelations that he had been suffering depression, which emerged from his lush profile piece in the Advertiser. One can only speculate on the reasons for that profile piece at that particular moment in time. Depression is a very tricky issue when it comes to politics. (Let me just say at this point that I, the writer, have suffered from depression for many years. This is no revelation. I will be discussing it on State Line some time this month, as part of an organisation I am on the board of, Planet Muse/Learndog.) Anyway, despite the prevalence in the community of depression, it is still not really accepted by the voting public. There is a stigma. It is not seen as a disease, but rather as a weakness. This issue probably muddied the waters quite significantly when it came to choosing a possible successor for Rann. The second major draw back of a Foley leadership can be explained using a doppelganger.

Let me say at the outset that Foley, from my understanding, is an extremely competent, thorough and hard working Treasurer. Foley’s public persona, however, especially inside the walls of Parliament, could readily be compared to Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo. Question Time, for a former ALP hack like myself, was like the climax to the latest Rambo film. I would delight in the excessive use of firepower, as the heads of the opponents seated opposite would metaphorically explode in a rapid blast of verbal gunfire. Problem is however, that not everyone sees Rambo movies the same way as I do. Women, in particular, will often ask was such bravado and excess blood shedding really required? Couldn’t he have stealthily scaled the prison camp walls and lead the hostages to safety. Therein lies the dilemma for the ALP. I am not privy to internal party polling, but I certainly would suggest that Mr Foley lacks appeal to certain audiences. Rambo movies were huge in the 80s, as were outspoken ALP Treasurers. Audiences now prefer the more sensitive hero, Twilight style. Sylvester Stallone has tried playing other characters, but we all still see him as Rambo or Rocky. So arguably the strongest parliamentary performer within the ALP is not truly an option. Who else could be cast in the role?

Jay Weatherill, the leading candidate from PLUS, or the Left Faction, could never be likened to Rambo. He is a hard character to find a comparison to, but I would say that he is a benevolent version of Kevin Spacey’s character in the Usual Suspects. This will take a little explaining, but I believe it can be summed up in the phrase, “The greatest trick the left ever pulled was convincing the right that it wasn’t a threat”. Weatherill is soft spoken. He never comes across menacing in public, although I would like to have been a fly on the wall in Caucus during WorkCover debates. He surrounds himself with carefully selected advisers, who are selected on the basis of their intelligence and strategic skill. His faction has carefully infiltrated the public service with former left wing Government staffers across all departments, including Planning and Aboriginal Affairs. While right wing power brokers attend fashion shows and pose for Adelaide Confidential, I picture Weatherill sitting at home stroking a cat, plotting the eventual downfall of the right. While he is carefully moving all his pieces into place, and clearly has his sights set on the top job eventually (at left wing functions he is introduced as SA’s next Premier, or so I have heard), he never would have anticipated having to make his move so early. The right is still too powerful, and the bitter taste of the WorkCover debates are still bothering the taste buds too much for him to ever be handed the Premier position on the plate.

My personal choice for a successor would have to be John Hill, or Ray Romano as I will call him, because Everybody Loves John. He is not in a faction anymore, although I believe he was once in the Centre-Left. This means he can walk down the street in both Tel Aviv and Palestine and not have to worry about getting his head blown off. The only real problem with John Hill as a successor is that his TV show has been running for many many seasons, and so it is only a matter of time before the star walks away from the show. Also, a couple of seasons ago there was this plot line about Country Health that really turned the audiences off. At the end of the day, he is the best money to put on a replacement, if Rann ever had to leave.

Ok so I have been on a little bit of a tangent, but back to the central point ha ha. If you have this License to Kill Rann, and all you need to do is prove you are telling the truth, why would you pull the trigger in November, months out from an election, and giver the ALP time to sort through all the complex casting issues mentioned above. It would make much more sense to wait until the election campaign nears, slowly but steadily orchestrate events which re-establish the narrative of your story, and then release the surprise twist ending when it is too late for your prey to react. Of course this assumes a high degree of discipline, intelligence and strategy on the part of the Chantelois camp. No body knows whether it is a one woman crusade, or part of something much greater backed by the Liberal party. We will find all these details out in the fullness of time. All I have to say is that now that I am out of the Government, I am sitting in my lounge with a bowl of popcorn in front of the TV. Stay tuned.